Hey folks,

Your busy mayor of Toronto here! As you might have heard, I was recently hospitalized for having calcium inside my penis.

You might ask, “why do you have calcium inside your penis?”

Well, I assure you this was a calculated move on my part. I am testing the viability and strength of me penis on a regular basis. In order to test certain specific thresholds, I have to insert calcium deposits into my penis hole.

Currently I’m writing this in my hot tub in my Etobicoke mansion’s back patio. The warm water and air jets are massaging my groin area, stimulating movement and keeping a constant warm temperature within my groin region. This is necessary to soothe the pain involved with inserting calcium deposits into my penis hole.

Since becoming the mayor of Toronto, there has been some secrets revealed to me about the fate of our great city, kept secret over the past few mayoral terms actually. I have to test my strength constantly to ensure I am strong enough to complete several key tasks that lie ahead of me.

Stay tuned.

Hey folks,

Your friend and new mayor of toronto, Rob Ford, here. I’ve been ridiculously busy as you can expect.

I haven’t even had much time to post in my blog to connect with my fans / voters! How have you all been? I’ve been great.

I’ve had some great first experiences so far since becoming mayor this week. I’ll share that with you later.

I’ve been applying several creams to my balls / anus recently because of all the chafing as a result of standing for longer-than-normal periods of time in city hall. There are a lot of formalities, unbeknown to me, with becoming mayor of Toronto.

Stay tuned for more updates , Toronto!

Greetings Friends,

As I write this I am eating a mustard DRENCHED sausage on a kaiser bun. I love to just pour vast amounts of mustard on most of my food. It just tastes better!

The day I officially take office as the new mayor of Toronto is fast approaching and I am becoming more and more excited as the days go on. As time moves forward, I notice the progression of change — the smell of bacon (me) is wafting through the chambers and corridors of the labyrinth that is city hall.

I often like to walk through the corridors of city hall late at night with my footsteps echoing along as I slowly progress throughout the different levels.

I enjoy closing my eyes and attempting to walk through without seeing anything. I like to feel and touch all the things around me as I pass each room, each light switch and each shitty plant along the way.

I tend to get sexually excited during these anticipatory times. Too bad the wife is off on some Yoga retreat again.

Talk to you soon!

Hey Folks,

Rob Ford, your new mayor of Toronto, here.

I’m just sitting in the basement of my Etobicoke mansion, planning for the day I take office as your new mayor. I’ve slathered a generous amount of Vaseline on my legs as a result of a rash I received in the last few days. Its unfortunate because the Vaseline sticks to the fabric of my pants as I walk or even sit down. As soon as I get home, I end up taking off all my clothes to air out my skin and provide for some relief for the intense itching as a result of the rash.

I don’t really know how I got the rash. The only thing I’ve done as far as my lower body goes is coat my groin area with a combination of bacon grease and peanut butter. I like to lie down in my backyard after everyone goes to bed and wait for whatever critters or furry friends, attracted by the scent, approach my groin / legs for a quick lick.

The abrasive cat-like tongue that raccoons, squirrels and other creatures have stimulates my skin and provides some excitement. Once in a while one of the animals will nip or nibble my skin, most likely with the presumption that the rest of my body (underneath my skin) contains even more peanut butter or bacon grease. Obviously this isn’t true!

After my body has been licked up , I run downstairs (careful not to wake my family) to take a quick shower in our spare bathroom.

I spend the rest of my night watching TV and methodically remembering each lick; the the coarse tongues quickly and cautiously scraping all the juices off my lower body.

Thanks for listening

Hello Friends,

Your friend and new mayor here!

I am so very excited to be elected your new mayor of this great city of Toronto. I am sitting in my car right now, we’re going from our campaign headquarters to celebrate!

It’s been a long and stressful 10 months of campaigning for mayor. I’ve spent at least 2-3 hours a day sending tens of emails to my constituents and potential voters pleading for their support.

Our plans are to go to the Friar Firkin pub on Queen West, just across from the Much Music / Chum City building. Personally I love the Firkin chain of pubs , they provide for a great venue for relaxing, eating fried foods and assorted wings.

Personally, my absolute favorite thing to do whilst at a Firkin pub is to visit the washroom and head straight for the bathroom stall. It is on the toilet paper dispenser that I first check for cocaine residue. It is almost guaranteed that I will find enough residue to scrape into a little baby line to snort.

I love doing this!

It gives me such a rush of power and energy that I am able to last all night and enjoy all the foods / alcohol that the Firkin pubs have to offer.

Several times I have actually found a half gram bag of cocaine, accidentally dropped, on the bathroom floor. One time in particular, there was a bag of cocaine behind the toilet in the bathroom stall. It was covered in human urine , but that didn’t matter to me. As soon as I found it, I pried it open with my chubby fuckin fingers and jabbed in one of my house keys to snort back a quick bump.

With the amount of baby laxative mixed in with cocaine these days, it is a sure thing that my anus will be bursting liquid shit as soon as the cocaine reaches my sinus cavity. I usually stay in the stall a few minutes after scraping toilet dispenser coke and doing a bump, during my stays at the wonderful Firkin pubs.

To you, Toronto, I say thanks. Stay tuned for a wonderful 4 years of Rob Ford. Rob Ford is Blob ford. This is me, I am you. We are one.


Sincerely,


Rob Ford

“We’re the same, you and me. We’re the same, dont you see?”

– Nick , Army store owner from the movie Falling Down

Hey there,

I’ve been trying to get out of the office before 2pm lately because my body’s clock has been shifting with the changing seasons. My daily “early evening shit” has been change to early afternoons and I prefer to be in my large Etobicoke mansion for these special moments.

Fortunately the shit came a little early today and I was forced to use the public washrooms at the office. While I take my huge dumps, I usually like to suck on salted sunflower seeds. I find that the salt gives me that extra energy I need to perform my daily tasks.

Today when I had one of the sunflower seeds pressed firmly between the roof of my mouth and my tongue, the seed somehow slipped out and fell between my legs. I noticed that it landed right on the shit stain in the tight white gotchies that I buy in bulk from Honest Ed’s.

Bending over to pick up the seed initiated the flushing mechanism on the automatic toilet and the water flowed out with great force. The sensation of the bloody shit water splashing on my sore anus and genitals was the most exhilarating sensation I’ve felt in years.

I’m now on my 14th shit’n'splash and luckily my diet keeps me constantly filled with shit so I can I have no plans of stopping before dinner time. I’ve already texted Bradley and Marcus with instructions to install three of these toilets in my office immediately. The toilets will be facing each other in a triangle formation so the three of us can do shit’n'splashes all day while looking into each others eyes/souls.

Thanks for listening!

Hey friends!

I know its been a while since I made an update here — I thought I’d write a quick one.

I’ve been fairly busy lately, as we are now in the final stretch of the Toronto Mayoral Election. I’ve also been careful not to neglect my nightly duties of securing Don Bosco High school.

I’m somewhat sad that the weather has changed so drastically. I already miss my weekly BBQ’s, sitting outside in my lawn chairs while slathering ice cold frozen meats on my chest to defrost them before putting them on my expensive Weber BBQ.

Although the view of my huge backyard from my Etobicoke mansion is pleasing to the eye with the fall colors and whatnot, I still feel like something is missing.

At this time of the year I am preparing for our long Canadian winters — my body would need intense preparation and conditioning for the months and months of sitting inside my mansion, usually stuck with my ex-wife. Now its spent alone, with all of my toys, creams, spices and oils.

Out in my backyard, there is a large rock about waist high. During the fall season I usually can be found sitting on that rock for hours on end — preparing my body and mind for the solitude and depressing days ahead.

On this rock, where I usually sit, there is a round cylindrical shaped formation that sticks upward. This is where I usually sit. This is the most comfortable spot in my entire property. I sit with all my weight on the cylindrical shaped rock formation and fully press my anus onto it.

I prefer to wear jogging pants during this time, as the fabric seems to work with the rock and my anus best; I can apply more pressure and control to my body against the rock’s surface.

Sometimes I tuck my penis under my legs and sit down on the rock, pressing my full weight on my testicles and my penis against the rock. This helps me to think and puts the coming months into perspective.

Thanks for listening.

Hey folks,

Just sitting here, on this day of ‘hump’, counting down the minutes until Friday.

I’ve been reflecting on my mayoral campaign more and more, as the day of reckoning approaches. I’ve looked around me, at this wonderful city, and all I see is room for improvement; be it cutbacks, drawbacks, reductions, cuts, murders, forced retirement, torture or other forms of extreme action.

I’m a man of action, in case you haven’t noticed. I punch whatever I don’t like or agree with, and I hug and kiss repeatedly whatever it is that falls in line with my vision or perceived goal.

That’s why I surround myself with men that not only compliment my ideals and ways of doing things, but those boys who encourage me to think outside the box and experiment with different ways to express my body through feelings and actions alike.

For instance, before this election started, I was not much of a touchy person. I avoided all human contact at all costs. The thought of someone shaking my hand and feeling their skin touch mine gave me shivers and I would usually briskly avoid these opportune moments.

Right now, though, I can’t get enough of the feel of human skin on my own. My assistants Bradley and Marcus are who I have to thank for this new found appreciation for touch.

They have helped me grow as a person, a politician and a confident sexual being.

Usually Marcus is there to greet me when I arrive at the office at around 11:30-12:00pm. He has various oils and spices that he likes to rub into my skin to help ease the stress and get me started with energy and vigor.

He forces me to take off all my clothes and lie on my back on his massage table (at first I was reluctant , but became accustomed eventually) , so that he can reach every joint and muscle in my body.

First he starts off with my lower abdomen / pelvic area, and rubs various oils on my skin there. Sometimes I generate a blood / mucous type discharge from my penis so he helps keep me clean and ensures that I am healthy.

Then he rubs my arms and neck and nipples — taking great care to ensure the hot oils reach every part of my body.

Bradley usually comes in at around 2:30pm and takes care of my feet. All the pressure and weight from walking between my car to the elevator causes such an immense amount of aches and pain in my feet. Bradley calmly goes under my desk as I sit in my office chair and undoes my shoelaces, takes off my shoes/socks and starts gently rubbing my feet.

On a particularly hard day, Bradly massages my calves, upper inner thigh and groin muscles from under my desk to get the entire chain of tension loosened.

Bradley and Marcus truly have changed me as a person. It is them I have to thank for being able to make it this far in the mayoral election campaign.

Thanks guys.

Hey guys,

Just checking in here from the office at city hall. I’ve had such a boring day today! I got into the office at around noon, and as soon as I sat down at my desk, my assistant told me that my weekly meeting was canceled. There goes my entire week!

With nothing else to do, I find myself just browsing the internet and taking off my shoes/socks. I like to feel the bare carpet in my office on my feet. I like the numb warmness from constantly rubbing my feet aggressively on the carpet.

My top left drawer in my desk of my office at city hall has about 15 MDMA pills in it. Sometimes on Mondays when it gets excruciatingly boring, I crush one of these MDMA pills on my desk into a fine powder. I like to sprinkle this powder into the pee-hole of the tip of my penis. To ensure the powder doesn’t fall out and not fully dissolve into my blood stream, I usually scotch tape my penis hole shut.

After this is complete it usually takes about 30-40 minutes before a warm sensation subtly starts radiating from my groin area, ultimately spreading throughout my legs and lower body. Soon my entire body is warm and tingly feeling.

Ingesting the drugs this way through my penis hole causes the MDMA to be absorbed by my body much slower than if I swallowed the MDMA pill. However, this produces a much more intense “body buzz”‘ , that is more powerful in my groin / penis area than the rest of my body.

Thanks for listening

Hello Friends,

Another glorious Friday awaits! What a wonderful day. The sky is clear, the air is crisp and everything feels fresh and new.

I took a powerful ecstasy pill this morning after I got up. My whole body feels very warm and sensitive to any sort of stimuli at this point in time.

Even taking a shower, with the hot water running down my pale skin and over my inner thighs and red / raw genitalia, feels so intense and great.

The lathering soap on my body felt silky and velvet smooth. I had such a great time in the shower! I just got out to make this post, so I’m still a little wet but the cold air feels great as well. Basically any form of touching, feeling, groping and tugging feels so fucking good right now.

The ecstasy is starting to hit me even harder as I write this. I can feel my heart rate starting to increase heavily with each keystroke. My fingers keep missing the keys and I can feel myself starting to sweat.

I have been drinking water and I have a rubber door stopper that I’ve been chewing on so that I don’t hurt my jaw muscles — WOW this is strong stuff!

I can feel my groin area getting warmer and more stimulated with each thought and feeling that passes through my body. I think I’m going to pour some ice cold water across my genitals to cool them off and provide for some relief right now.

What I normally do on ecstasy Fridays is spend the day (from the moment I get up) walking around my Etobicoke home naked — on various quests to find any stimuli that will allow for new ways to experience my body.

Last week I fashioned two live electrical wires with some industrial resistors / capacitors to control the voltage and I attached the live wire to my testicles and grounded it on my radiator. The jolt of sharp electricity and subsequent vibration feeling that the current provided was such an intense and wondrous experience — especially whilst on ecstasy.

I’ve noticed that my cum was black after that experience. Is that normal?

Take care.