Testicular problems

Update : Just got out of hospital earlier this week

Hey folks,

Your busy mayor of Toronto here! As you might have heard, I was recently hospitalized for having calcium inside my penis.

You might ask, “why do you have calcium inside your penis?”

Well, I assure you this was a calculated move on my part. I am testing the viability and strength of me penis on a regular basis. In order to test certain specific thresholds, I have to insert calcium deposits into my penis hole.

Currently I’m writing this in my hot tub in my Etobicoke mansion’s back patio. The warm water and air jets are massaging my groin area, stimulating movement and keeping a constant warm temperature within my groin region. This is necessary to soothe the pain involved with inserting calcium deposits into my penis hole.

Since becoming the mayor of Toronto, there has been some secrets revealed to me about the fate of our great city, kept secret over the past few mayoral terms actually. I have to test my strength constantly to ensure I am strong enough to complete several key tasks that lie ahead of me.

Stay tuned.

Share

TGIF : BBQ pork loin and pan seared in a rasberry wine sauce

Hi there,

Boy let me tell you, its great for it to finally be Friday. I’ve taken a few breaks posting here over the last month due to my health concerns and my renewed focus on taking walks along the Humber River.

The crisp cold air on my clammy skin is something that I find refreshing and sensual at the same time. Unfortunately the windows in my office don’t open so I have to take brisk rides in my wheelchair scooter to get refreshed. What I’ve done is poke small holes in the groin / scrotum region of my pants in such a way that the cool air is allowed in to make contact with the skin on my inner thighs as I ride my scooter.

In case you’re wondering, the doctor recommended I temporarily ride in a wheelchair scooter until my condition as a result of putting spicy curry sauce on the tip of my penis has been remedied.

I’m going to be leaving work in about an hour or so, at 2:30pm, to get a head start on my BBQ plans tonight. I plan on BBQing a pork loin , wrapped in bacon and spices / bay leaves, and then pan sear the outer edges to get a crisp texture, soaked in a raspberry wine sauce in the pan, which will then be de-glazed and dripped over the exterior at the final stage.

I also have about 28 beers in the fridge in my Etobicoke home so I think I’m all set!

I’ll try to update again to let you know how its going.

Share

Whats your favourite flavour of potato chips?

Hi friends,

Your friend and future mayor here. I was just finishing a bag of kettle potato chips and sucking all the grease and salt off my fingers when I thought maybe its a good idea to distract myself from my impending legal troubles with finding out what you, my readers, prefer in terms of flavors of potato chips?

Shoot me an email : [email protected] and let me know.

I’ve been storing the potato chip bags in my car on the passenger seat for those times during long driving expeditions where I may need a receptacle for whatever various fluids and secretions my body usually exudes. They are compact and handy for such situations.

In case any of you were wondering about my recent visit to the Etobicoke Meidcal center to address my throbbing groin pains, the doctor examined my areas and determined it was indeed the result of me applying generous amounts of curry sauce to the tip of my penis to keep myself awake during those long nights. Who knew?

Stay tuned.

Share

Various pains in my groin region

Hey folks,

Just on my way to the doctors right now. I cant even drive, I have to get one of my kids to take me to Etobicoke Medical Center (on East Mall and Burnhamthorpe). I’ve been receiving sharp pains in my testicular / groin area over the last 12 hours.

The stress of the media surrounding my blog here is likely a contributing factor to my current state of distress. A sharp and throbbing pain is circulating throughout my two testicles as well as up and generally all around my groin area.

As a result of the pain , I have decided to temporarily stop rubbing hot curry and other spices on the tip of my penis (to keep me awake, see this post). Not sure if that would contribute to the pain I am currently experiencing but I’ll see what the doctor says.

Stay tuned.

Share