Quick updates
Hey guys!
Hey folks,
Your friend and new mayor of toronto, Rob Ford, here. I’ve been ridiculously busy as you can expect.
I haven’t even had much time to post in my blog to connect with my fans / voters! How have you all been? I’ve been great.
I’ve had some great first experiences so far since becoming mayor this week. I’ll share that with you later.
I’ve been applying several creams to my balls / anus recently because of all the chafing as a result of standing for longer-than-normal periods of time in city hall. There are a lot of formalities, unbeknown to me, with becoming mayor of Toronto.
Stay tuned for more updates , Toronto!
Thank the gods its FRIDAY
Hey there,
I’ve been trying to get out of the office before 2pm lately because my body’s clock has been shifting with the changing seasons. My daily “early evening shit” has been change to early afternoons and I prefer to be in my large Etobicoke mansion for these special moments.
Fortunately the shit came a little early today and I was forced to use the public washrooms at the office. While I take my huge dumps, I usually like to suck on salted sunflower seeds. I find that the salt gives me that extra energy I need to perform my daily tasks.
Today when I had one of the sunflower seeds pressed firmly between the roof of my mouth and my tongue, the seed somehow slipped out and fell between my legs. I noticed that it landed right on the shit stain in the tight white gotchies that I buy in bulk from Honest Ed’s.
Bending over to pick up the seed initiated the flushing mechanism on the automatic toilet and the water flowed out with great force. The sensation of the bloody shit water splashing on my sore anus and genitals was the most exhilarating sensation I’ve felt in years.
I’m now on my 14th shit’n'splash and luckily my diet keeps me constantly filled with shit so I can I have no plans of stopping before dinner time. I’ve already texted Bradley and Marcus with instructions to install three of these toilets in my office immediately. The toilets will be facing each other in a triangle formation so the three of us can do shit’n'splashes all day while looking into each others eyes/souls.
Thanks for listening!
MDMA Mondays
Hey guys,
Just checking in here from the office at city hall. I’ve had such a boring day today! I got into the office at around noon, and as soon as I sat down at my desk, my assistant told me that my weekly meeting was canceled. There goes my entire week!
With nothing else to do, I find myself just browsing the internet and taking off my shoes/socks. I like to feel the bare carpet in my office on my feet. I like the numb warmness from constantly rubbing my feet aggressively on the carpet.
My top left drawer in my desk of my office at city hall has about 15 MDMA pills in it. Sometimes on Mondays when it gets excruciatingly boring, I crush one of these MDMA pills on my desk into a fine powder. I like to sprinkle this powder into the pee-hole of the tip of my penis. To ensure the powder doesn’t fall out and not fully dissolve into my blood stream, I usually scotch tape my penis hole shut.
After this is complete it usually takes about 30-40 minutes before a warm sensation subtly starts radiating from my groin area, ultimately spreading throughout my legs and lower body. Soon my entire body is warm and tingly feeling.
Ingesting the drugs this way through my penis hole causes the MDMA to be absorbed by my body much slower than if I swallowed the MDMA pill. However, this produces a much more intense “body buzz”‘ , that is more powerful in my groin / penis area than the rest of my body.
Thanks for listening
Despite my cold I’m going to Gabby’s in Etobicoke : 2899 Bloor Street West
Hey guys,
I know I made a post earlier today about how sick I was. I think I need a night off from securing Don Bosco high school to just unwind and relax with some burgs n’ beers.
Sometimes I make the trek to the “rich area” of Etobicoke, to Gabbys on Bloor West (just on Prince Edward and Bloor, 2899 Bloor West). I like how small it is and I truly enjoy the Gabby’s chain of pubs. You can catch me on the corner bar stool, sucking back ice cold pints of Canadian with a few pounds of wings and some overcooked fries. My buddy Frank, who works at the A&P Food terminal on Queensway and Prince Edward usually makes his first stop after his shift at the warehouse and we usually talk about work and other various things.
Frank and I sometimes share their 10 pound “wings for two” item on the menu. Both of us don’t care — life’s too short to worry!
As the night wears on, we move from the bar over to one of the booths so that we can continue our conversation uninterrupted in a more intimate atmosphere. Usually we order about 2 burgers at this point as well.
Frank mentioned last time that his doctor has some concerns about his prostate, so I hope to find out the results tonight when I get there. I’m looking forward to seeing Frank and the other regulars @ Gabby’s, their warm faces are a welcome sight in this otherwise cold and unfriendly city.
Take care.
Various pains in my groin region
Hey folks,
Just on my way to the doctors right now. I cant even drive, I have to get one of my kids to take me to Etobicoke Medical Center (on East Mall and Burnhamthorpe). I’ve been receiving sharp pains in my testicular / groin area over the last 12 hours.
The stress of the media surrounding my blog here is likely a contributing factor to my current state of distress. A sharp and throbbing pain is circulating throughout my two testicles as well as up and generally all around my groin area.
As a result of the pain , I have decided to temporarily stop rubbing hot curry and other spices on the tip of my penis (to keep me awake, see this post). Not sure if that would contribute to the pain I am currently experiencing but I’ll see what the doctor says.
Stay tuned.
Various powers that be / illuminati underground power struggle
Greetings Folks,
I’m still having problems with this website. My advisers have been sensing a strong sense of power and energy coming from the sewers near my Etobicoke home. They say that I must continue on posting to my blog here, even though none of my words may be seen for some time (possibly only after I’m gone).
I’m eating a quick dinner right now as i write this; Two butter chicken roti’s (hot) and some old leftover pizza from the other night. Sometimes when my mildly demanding job requires me to stay awake for more than 8 hours a day, I like to use different methods for me to stay awake and alert.
Tonight I have been extracting the spicy curry sauce from my roti and slathering the hot sauce in my pubic area, about 1 inch above my penis. After slathering the sauce on that area, I put a few drops of curry sauce on the tip of my penis and then put my underwear back on.
This usually keeps me up for a few extra hours during those late nights where I need to be alert and awake.
Take care.
Busy this week
Hey folks,
Just a quick update. My week started off fairly normally. My slew of 1 or 2 meetings with my administrative staff, checking my voice mail and leaving for home at around 2:30pm this afternoon is usually about an average day’s activities.
It sure feel’s like a great start to a productive week. Every few minutes for every 4-6 hours must be accounted for during the mayoral race! My time is reasonably adequately moderately occupied and I usually have enough time to accomplish my daily tasks set out by my campaign manager within the first few hours of the day.
I just arrived home now, however (8:48pm) and boy am I fuming!
I was taking the Gardiner expressway westbound; I usually head north on the 427 and exit on Burnhamthorpe road before driving to my large home. This time, some bitch decided to get in an accident on the highway. Apparently she spun out during the rain storm earlier today. Her car was overturned and the firemen had successfully evacuated her to a stretcher, which is what I was able to see by the time I finally passed the wreckage.
Now most of you don’t know this about me, but I have several medical ailments that require constant attention by me every few hours. Usually this is not a problem, as long as I have the ability to privately spend a few minutes by myself while I attend to my demands. I have a condition that requires me to put a constant pressure on my testicles with my thumb and my forefinger every 2.5 – 3 hours.
This procedure is mandated by my doctor after years of tests and blood work, as a result of me living with immense pressure and pain in my testicular area for the better part of my adult life. Usually when this ailment gets bad, without attention on my part, you can hear the pain and anguish in my voice as it raises to a significantly higher pitch.
What I need to do first is remove my pants and underwear (I usually wear briefs that are a few sizes too small to keep a constant low-level pressure in my groin region) — Most days I can do this in my office at city hall. Then I take my thumb and forefinger and press gently but firmly on my testicles (one at a time) for several minutes each testicle.
This restricts the problematic blood vessels from contributing to the buildup of pressure and tension in that area.
Take care!
Your friend,
Blob
Going for wings + beer tonight
Hey guys,
I’m in the mood for wings and beer tonight. The wife hasn’t come back from her cottage trip (even though she was supposed to be back 2 days ago), and it gets quite lonely in my Etobicoke house so I’ve decided to go out for wings and beer!
The place I plan on visiting is called Wingporium. Its on 1000 Islington Avenue, in Etobicoke. You can find it here.
Come and visit me there! I plan on getting at least 3-5 pounds of wings to start. They have a wide assortment of wings. I like this place because they usually give me Tums or Pepto Bismol upon request so I can continue eating non-stop.
See you there!
Blab
Hospital : day 2
Hey folks,
Just checking in. I ended up staying at Etobicoke General overnight. They insisted that they observe my condition even after administering IV based laxative’s and clearing out the intestinal blockage.
They made me promise to never eat an entire block of cheese and melt it in bacon grease to be poured over top of various meats and sausages. Honestly I have no regrets as far as my decisions in the past ~96 hours. As soon as I get home I’m going to shotgun an ice cold old milwaukee and take a long nap in my air conditioned bedroom.
The wife is away at one of her girlfriend’s cottages in the Muskoka region so I have the house to myself once again.
One thing I like to do when lying in my bed is aim the air conditioner vent right in my groin region and spread my legs and let the cool air waft across my hot sticky thighs. Its the most refreshing feeling I have ever experienced. Sometimes I fall asleep and that area of my body gets extremely cold so I sometimes lay several vibrating objects (phones, wii controllers) across my inner thighs and let them continue to vibrate while the cold air touches my clammy skin. This usually continues for several hours until I am finished.
Technically I am allowed to leave the hospital, but I was hoping to receive some flowers and get-well cards during my stay here so I think I’ll wait around a little longer to see what happens.
I’ll update you again later today.
Thanks,
Blob
At the hospital currently
Hey pals,
Just a quick update. I’m currently in the waiting room at Etobicoke General Hospital, near HWY 27 and Rexdale Blvd.
Since I haven’t been able to take a dump in 72 hours, I thought it might be a good idea to get this taken care of by a medical professional. They tell me it shouldn’t be much longer. I think they plan on inserting something into my anus and administering various creams as well as an IV based laxative.
I’ll update again when I can.
What a week!
Hello Friends,
Just a quick update — I’m still here! Seems I accidentally knocked this website offline for the past few days.
I run the website out of my garage and I suspect I tripped over the extension chords powering my computer last weekend (I’d been drinking all day). I didn’t notice until now.
I’ll have another update later today!
Cheers,
Blobert