Hey Folks,

Just sitting in my enormous Etobicoke backyard, enjoying a beautiful sunny Tuesday afternoon with some ice cold beers and some grilled meats.

I’ve noticed an increased population of insects over the past few weeks, in my backyard and throughout Toronto (on the streets or in green areas).

The attention received by the bugs around me is increases tenfold after melting a few sausages all over my chest in order to defrost them before actually grilling them on my Weber BBQ.

This reminded me of something I used to do when I first moved into my Etobicoke mansion years ago. I used to sneak out of the house late at night, being careful not to wake my kids or my then-wife. Once outside, I would tip toe around the edge of the house, to the backyard where there was a ravine. The mosquito’s near the water were particularly bad, especially in the middle of the summer.

Once at the ravine, I would remove my pants and underwear and slather a thick layer of honey all the way up my legs from my ankles to my waist, careful not to miss any spots.

Standing over the small ravine in my backyard, I would wait patiently for the mosquitos and other bugs to become stimulated by the sweet scent that the honey provides. After about 15-20 minutes my entire lower section would be covered by hungry bugs (mostly mosquito’s).

The excitement of this type of attention would cause me to breathe very heavily and deeply out of my mouth, occasionally letting out deep moans and gasps as the weight and tingly feeling the bugs caused would arouse me immensely.

After I was done, I usually would bathe in the ravine itself (convenient!), sitting near a bubbling brook with my legs open as the ice cold runoff water would clean my lower body and cool my hot skin.

Thanks for listening.