Hey there,

I’ve been trying to get out of the office before 2pm lately because my body’s clock has been shifting with the changing seasons. My daily “early evening shit” has been change to early afternoons and I prefer to be in my large Etobicoke mansion for these special moments.

Fortunately the shit came a little early today and I was forced to use the public washrooms at the office. While I take my huge dumps, I usually like to suck on salted sunflower seeds. I find that the salt gives me that extra energy I need to perform my daily tasks.

Today when I had one of the sunflower seeds pressed firmly between the roof of my mouth and my tongue, the seed somehow slipped out and fell between my legs. I noticed that it landed right on the shit stain in the tight white gotchies that I buy in bulk from Honest Ed’s.

Bending over to pick up the seed initiated the flushing mechanism on the automatic toilet and the water flowed out with great force. The sensation of the bloody shit water splashing on my sore anus and genitals was the most exhilarating sensation I’ve felt in years.

I’m now on my 14th shit’n'splash and luckily my diet keeps me constantly filled with shit so I can I have no plans of stopping before dinner time. I’ve already texted Bradley and Marcus with instructions to install three of these toilets in my office immediately. The toilets will be facing each other in a triangle formation so the three of us can do shit’n'splashes all day while looking into each others eyes/souls.

Thanks for listening!