Medical Conditions

Update : Just got out of hospital earlier this week

February 13, 2011 | Author Blob Ford

Hey folks,

Your busy mayor of Toronto here! As you might have heard, I was recently hospitalized for having calcium inside my penis.

You might ask, “why do you have calcium inside your penis?”

Well, I assure you this was a calculated move on my part. I am testing the viability and strength of me penis on a regular basis. In order to test certain specific thresholds, I have to insert calcium deposits into my penis hole.

Currently I’m writing this in my hot tub in my Etobicoke mansion’s back patio. The warm water and air jets are massaging my groin area, stimulating movement and keeping a constant warm temperature within my groin region. This is necessary to soothe the pain involved with inserting calcium deposits into my penis hole.

Since becoming the mayor of Toronto, there has been some secrets revealed to me about the fate of our great city, kept secret over the past few mayoral terms actually. I have to test my strength constantly to ensure I am strong enough to complete several key tasks that lie ahead of me.

Stay tuned.

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Posted in Applying pressure to a sharp rock against my anus, Cleaning my filthy body, Inserting calcium deposits into my penis hole, Medical Conditions, Testicular problems | No Comments »

Hey guys!

December 8, 2010 | Author Blob Ford

Hey folks,

Your friend and new mayor of toronto, Rob Ford, here. I’ve been ridiculously busy as you can expect.

I haven’t even had much time to post in my blog to connect with my fans / voters! How have you all been? I’ve been great.

I’ve had some great first experiences so far since becoming mayor this week. I’ll share that with you later.

I’ve been applying several creams to my balls / anus recently because of all the chafing as a result of standing for longer-than-normal periods of time in city hall. There are a lot of formalities, unbeknown to me, with becoming mayor of Toronto.

Stay tuned for more updates , Toronto!

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Posted in Human excretions creating warmth for my inner thighs, Medical Conditions, Quick updates | 2 Comments »

Just getting ready to be the new mayor of Toronto on my end

November 2, 2010 | Author Blob Ford

Hey Folks,

Rob Ford, your new mayor of Toronto, here.

I’m just sitting in the basement of my Etobicoke mansion, planning for the day I take office as your new mayor. I’ve slathered a generous amount of Vaseline on my legs as a result of a rash I received in the last few days. Its unfortunate because the Vaseline sticks to the fabric of my pants as I walk or even sit down. As soon as I get home, I end up taking off all my clothes to air out my skin and provide for some relief for the intense itching as a result of the rash.

I don’t really know how I got the rash. The only thing I’ve done as far as my lower body goes is coat my groin area with a combination of bacon grease and peanut butter. I like to lie down in my backyard after everyone goes to bed and wait for whatever critters or furry friends, attracted by the scent, approach my groin / legs for a quick lick.

The abrasive cat-like tongue that raccoons, squirrels and other creatures have stimulates my skin and provides some excitement. Once in a while one of the animals will nip or nibble my skin, most likely with the presumption that the rest of my body (underneath my skin) contains even more peanut butter or bacon grease. Obviously this isn’t true!

After my body has been licked up , I run downstairs (careful not to wake my family) to take a quick shower in our spare bathroom.

I spend the rest of my night watching TV and methodically remembering each lick; the the coarse tongues quickly and cautiously scraping all the juices off my lower body.

Thanks for listening

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Posted in Cleaning my filthy body, Getting a chubby, Getting animals to lick my balls, Medical Conditions, Outdoor Masturbation, Rubbing food all over my body | 1 Comment »

Greetings from your new Mayor of Toronto! Rob Ford!

October 25, 2010 | Author Blob Ford

Hello Friends,

Your friend and new mayor here!

I am so very excited to be elected your new mayor of this great city of Toronto. I am sitting in my car right now, we’re going from our campaign headquarters to celebrate!

It’s been a long and stressful 10 months of campaigning for mayor. I’ve spent at least 2-3 hours a day sending tens of emails to my constituents and potential voters pleading for their support.

Our plans are to go to the Friar Firkin pub on Queen West, just across from the Much Music / Chum City building. Personally I love the Firkin chain of pubs , they provide for a great venue for relaxing, eating fried foods and assorted wings.

Personally, my absolute favorite thing to do whilst at a Firkin pub is to visit the washroom and head straight for the bathroom stall. It is on the toilet paper dispenser that I first check for cocaine residue. It is almost guaranteed that I will find enough residue to scrape into a little baby line to snort.

I love doing this!

It gives me such a rush of power and energy that I am able to last all night and enjoy all the foods / alcohol that the Firkin pubs have to offer.

Several times I have actually found a half gram bag of cocaine, accidentally dropped, on the bathroom floor. One time in particular, there was a bag of cocaine behind the toilet in the bathroom stall. It was covered in human urine , but that didn’t matter to me. As soon as I found it, I pried it open with my chubby fuckin fingers and jabbed in one of my house keys to snort back a quick bump.

With the amount of baby laxative mixed in with cocaine these days, it is a sure thing that my anus will be bursting liquid shit as soon as the cocaine reaches my sinus cavity. I usually stay in the stall a few minutes after scraping toilet dispenser coke and doing a bump, during my stays at the wonderful Firkin pubs.

To you, Toronto, I say thanks. Stay tuned for a wonderful 4 years of Rob Ford. Rob Ford is Blob ford. This is me, I am you. We are one.


Sincerely,


Rob Ford


“We’re the same, you and me. We’re the same, dont you see?”

– Nick , Army store owner from the movie Falling Down


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Posted in Cleaning my filthy body, Doing coke from toilet dispensers in firkin pubs, Mayoral Election, Medical Conditions | 11 Comments »

Despite my cold I’m going to Gabby’s in Etobicoke : 2899 Bloor Street West

September 24, 2010 | Author Blob Ford

Hey guys,

I know I made a post earlier today about how sick I was. I think I need a night off from securing Don Bosco high school to just unwind and relax with some burgs n’ beers.

Sometimes I make the trek to the “rich area” of Etobicoke, to Gabbys on Bloor West (just on Prince Edward and Bloor, 2899 Bloor West). I like how small it is and I truly enjoy the Gabby’s chain of pubs. You can catch me on the corner bar stool, sucking back ice cold pints of Canadian with a few pounds of wings and some overcooked fries. My buddy Frank, who works at the A&P Food terminal on Queensway and Prince Edward usually makes his first stop after his shift at the warehouse and we usually talk about work and other various things.

Frank and I sometimes share their 10 pound “wings for two” item on the menu. Both of us don’t care — life’s too short to worry!

As the night wears on, we move from the bar over to one of the booths so that we can continue our conversation uninterrupted in a more intimate atmosphere. Usually we order about 2 burgers at this point as well.

Frank mentioned last time that his doctor has some concerns about his prostate, so I hope to find out the results tonight when I get there. I’m looking forward to seeing Frank and the other regulars @ Gabby’s, their warm faces are a welcome sight in this otherwise cold and unfriendly city.

Take care.

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Posted in BBQ, Blue collar life, Doing Beer, Medical Conditions, Quick updates | 7 Comments »

Burgers and hotdogs on the same bun?

September 21, 2010 | Author Blob Ford

Hey Toronto,

Just mulling over whether I should come in to work at all today, on (likely) one of the last nice days of the year; Its going to be a beautiful day today.

I have a stash of frozen Lick’s burgers as well as some nice President’s Choice sausages in my basement freezer in my Etobicoke Home.

It’s settled. I will send a message to my administrative staff that I won’t be coming in today. I have enough beer and meat to enjoy a great home BBQ on this fine day.

In case any of you are wondering, my medical condition appears to have subsided; The burning sensation in my penis as well as the appearance of blood in my urine has ceased as of this morning.

One of the things that I have been doing, that I think has contributed greatly to my improved health, is regular anal cleansing , followed by the storage of any cylindrical shaped foods inside my anus for the better part of the day.

This can be accomplished with sausages, hot dogs, cucumbers, carrots, beets or eggplants. What this does is secret the vitamins and other fiber based elements into the walls of my anus while the food is stored inside my anus. The food ultimately dissolves after 12 or more hours of consistent storage and all the nutrients are absorbed into my body during this process.

The other thing I am looking forward to is manually defrosting my sausages in my hands during the day. I love the feeling of cold / frozen meat on my skin. I usually clamp down on the frozen sausage for the first 15-20 minutes, or until my hand is quite numb. Then I usually move outside into my lawn chair and either shove the sausage under my arm or just lay it flat on my belly. Sleeping in the warm sun (especially today) while a freezing cold sausage is slowly melting on my body is an invigorating experience.

Usually after a few hours of doing this , the meat is ready to be thrown onto the BBQ!

Thanks for listening.

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Posted in BBQ, Blue collar life, Medical Conditions, Outdoor Masturbation, Rubbing food all over my body | No Comments »

TGIF : BBQ pork loin and pan seared in a rasberry wine sauce

September 17, 2010 | Author Blob Ford

Hi there,

Boy let me tell you, its great for it to finally be Friday. I’ve taken a few breaks posting here over the last month due to my health concerns and my renewed focus on taking walks along the Humber River.

The crisp cold air on my clammy skin is something that I find refreshing and sensual at the same time. Unfortunately the windows in my office don’t open so I have to take brisk rides in my wheelchair scooter to get refreshed. What I’ve done is poke small holes in the groin / scrotum region of my pants in such a way that the cool air is allowed in to make contact with the skin on my inner thighs as I ride my scooter.

In case you’re wondering, the doctor recommended I temporarily ride in a wheelchair scooter until my condition as a result of putting spicy curry sauce on the tip of my penis has been remedied.

I’m going to be leaving work in about an hour or so, at 2:30pm, to get a head start on my BBQ plans tonight. I plan on BBQing a pork loin , wrapped in bacon and spices / bay leaves, and then pan sear the outer edges to get a crisp texture, soaked in a raspberry wine sauce in the pan, which will then be de-glazed and dripped over the exterior at the final stage.

I also have about 28 beers in the fridge in my Etobicoke home so I think I’m all set!

I’ll try to update again to let you know how its going.

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Posted in BBQ, Blue collar life, Doing Beer, Medical Conditions, Recipes, Testicular problems | 5 Comments »

Busy this week

August 9, 2010 | Author Blob Ford

Hey folks,

Just a quick update. My week started off fairly normally. My slew of 1 or 2 meetings with my administrative staff, checking my voice mail and leaving for home at around 2:30pm this afternoon is usually about an average day’s activities.

It sure feel’s like a great start to a productive week. Every few minutes for every 4-6 hours must be accounted for during the mayoral race! My time is reasonably adequately moderately occupied and I usually have enough time to accomplish my daily tasks set out by my campaign manager within the first few hours of the day.

I just arrived home now, however (8:48pm) and boy am I fuming!

I was taking the Gardiner expressway westbound; I usually head north on the 427 and exit on Burnhamthorpe road before driving to my large home. This time, some bitch decided to get in an accident on the highway. Apparently she spun out during the rain storm earlier today. Her car was overturned and the firemen had successfully evacuated her to a stretcher, which is what I was able to see by the time I finally passed the wreckage.

Now most of you don’t know this about me, but I have several medical ailments that require constant attention by me every few hours. Usually this is not a problem, as long as I have the ability to privately spend a few minutes by myself while I attend to my demands. I have a condition that requires me to put a constant pressure on my testicles with my thumb and my forefinger every 2.5 – 3 hours.

This procedure is mandated by my doctor after years of tests and blood work, as a result of me living with immense pressure and pain in my testicular area for the better part of my adult life. Usually when this ailment gets bad, without attention on my part, you can hear the pain and anguish in my voice as it raises to a significantly higher pitch.

What I need to do first is remove my pants and underwear (I usually wear briefs that are a few sizes too small to keep a constant low-level pressure in my groin region) — Most days I can do this in my office at city hall. Then I take my thumb and forefinger and press gently but firmly on my testicles (one at a time) for several minutes each testicle.

This restricts the problematic blood vessels from contributing to the buildup of pressure and tension in that area.

Take care!

Your friend,

Blob

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Posted in Mayoral Election, Medical Conditions, Quick updates, Rage Boners | No Comments »
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