Indoor Masturbation
Rob Ford Mayor of Toronto
Greetings Friends,
As I write this I am eating a mustard DRENCHED sausage on a kaiser bun. I love to just pour vast amounts of mustard on most of my food. It just tastes better!
The day I officially take office as the new mayor of Toronto is fast approaching and I am becoming more and more excited as the days go on. As time moves forward, I notice the progression of change — the smell of bacon (me) is wafting through the chambers and corridors of the labyrinth that is city hall.
I often like to walk through the corridors of city hall late at night with my footsteps echoing along as I slowly progress throughout the different levels.
I enjoy closing my eyes and attempting to walk through without seeing anything. I like to feel and touch all the things around me as I pass each room, each light switch and each shitty plant along the way.
I tend to get sexually excited during these anticipatory times. Too bad the wife is off on some Yoga retreat again.
Talk to you soon!
Releasing tensions in just the right areas – a guide to your body
Hey folks,
Just sitting here, on this day of ‘hump’, counting down the minutes until Friday.
I’ve been reflecting on my mayoral campaign more and more, as the day of reckoning approaches. I’ve looked around me, at this wonderful city, and all I see is room for improvement; be it cutbacks, drawbacks, reductions, cuts, murders, forced retirement, torture or other forms of extreme action.
I’m a man of action, in case you haven’t noticed. I punch whatever I don’t like or agree with, and I hug and kiss repeatedly whatever it is that falls in line with my vision or perceived goal.
That’s why I surround myself with men that not only compliment my ideals and ways of doing things, but those boys who encourage me to think outside the box and experiment with different ways to express my body through feelings and actions alike.
For instance, before this election started, I was not much of a touchy person. I avoided all human contact at all costs. The thought of someone shaking my hand and feeling their skin touch mine gave me shivers and I would usually briskly avoid these opportune moments.
Right now, though, I can’t get enough of the feel of human skin on my own. My assistants Bradley and Marcus are who I have to thank for this new found appreciation for touch.
They have helped me grow as a person, a politician and a confident sexual being.
Usually Marcus is there to greet me when I arrive at the office at around 11:30-12:00pm. He has various oils and spices that he likes to rub into my skin to help ease the stress and get me started with energy and vigor.
He forces me to take off all my clothes and lie on my back on his massage table (at first I was reluctant , but became accustomed eventually) , so that he can reach every joint and muscle in my body.
First he starts off with my lower abdomen / pelvic area, and rubs various oils on my skin there. Sometimes I generate a blood / mucous type discharge from my penis so he helps keep me clean and ensures that I am healthy.
Then he rubs my arms and neck and nipples — taking great care to ensure the hot oils reach every part of my body.
Bradley usually comes in at around 2:30pm and takes care of my feet. All the pressure and weight from walking between my car to the elevator causes such an immense amount of aches and pain in my feet. Bradley calmly goes under my desk as I sit in my office chair and undoes my shoelaces, takes off my shoes/socks and starts gently rubbing my feet.
On a particularly hard day, Bradly massages my calves, upper inner thigh and groin muscles from under my desk to get the entire chain of tension loosened.
Bradley and Marcus truly have changed me as a person. It is them I have to thank for being able to make it this far in the mayoral election campaign.
Thanks guys.
MDMA Mondays
Hey guys,
Just checking in here from the office at city hall. I’ve had such a boring day today! I got into the office at around noon, and as soon as I sat down at my desk, my assistant told me that my weekly meeting was canceled. There goes my entire week!
With nothing else to do, I find myself just browsing the internet and taking off my shoes/socks. I like to feel the bare carpet in my office on my feet. I like the numb warmness from constantly rubbing my feet aggressively on the carpet.
My top left drawer in my desk of my office at city hall has about 15 MDMA pills in it. Sometimes on Mondays when it gets excruciatingly boring, I crush one of these MDMA pills on my desk into a fine powder. I like to sprinkle this powder into the pee-hole of the tip of my penis. To ensure the powder doesn’t fall out and not fully dissolve into my blood stream, I usually scotch tape my penis hole shut.
After this is complete it usually takes about 30-40 minutes before a warm sensation subtly starts radiating from my groin area, ultimately spreading throughout my legs and lower body. Soon my entire body is warm and tingly feeling.
Ingesting the drugs this way through my penis hole causes the MDMA to be absorbed by my body much slower than if I swallowed the MDMA pill. However, this produces a much more intense “body buzz”‘ , that is more powerful in my groin / penis area than the rest of my body.
Thanks for listening
Ecstasy Fridays
Hello Friends,
Another glorious Friday awaits! What a wonderful day. The sky is clear, the air is crisp and everything feels fresh and new.
I took a powerful ecstasy pill this morning after I got up. My whole body feels very warm and sensitive to any sort of stimuli at this point in time.
Even taking a shower, with the hot water running down my pale skin and over my inner thighs and red / raw genitalia, feels so intense and great.
The lathering soap on my body felt silky and velvet smooth. I had such a great time in the shower! I just got out to make this post, so I’m still a little wet but the cold air feels great as well. Basically any form of touching, feeling, groping and tugging feels so fucking good right now.
The ecstasy is starting to hit me even harder as I write this. I can feel my heart rate starting to increase heavily with each keystroke. My fingers keep missing the keys and I can feel myself starting to sweat.
I have been drinking water and I have a rubber door stopper that I’ve been chewing on so that I don’t hurt my jaw muscles — WOW this is strong stuff!
I can feel my groin area getting warmer and more stimulated with each thought and feeling that passes through my body. I think I’m going to pour some ice cold water across my genitals to cool them off and provide for some relief right now.
What I normally do on ecstasy Fridays is spend the day (from the moment I get up) walking around my Etobicoke home naked — on various quests to find any stimuli that will allow for new ways to experience my body.
Last week I fashioned two live electrical wires with some industrial resistors / capacitors to control the voltage and I attached the live wire to my testicles and grounded it on my radiator. The jolt of sharp electricity and subsequent vibration feeling that the current provided was such an intense and wondrous experience — especially whilst on ecstasy.
I’ve noticed that my cum was black after that experience. Is that normal?
Take care.
Grapefruit and plastic wrap
Greetings Friends,
Although I’m feeling better today, I still feel under the weather. I decided to skip out on any campaign or office work and stay home and watch TV today.
One of my favorite things to eat when I’m not feeling well is a nice ripe & juicy grapefruit.
I first start out by cutting one of my grapefruit’s in half on the cutting board in my kitchen. Then, using a small spoon, I carve out a deep and small hole in the center of the grapefruit.
Once the hole has been carved out of the center of the grapefruit, I cover the surface with a tight layer of plastic wrap — making sure to press the plastic wrap into the hole I made at the center of the grapefruit.
Once this is complete, I pull down my boxer shorts and apply a generous helping of chapstick (any chapstick will do) to the tip of my penis. After enough chapstick has been applied to my penis, I shove the grapefruit onto my penis, until my penis is entirely into the hole I made at the center of the grapefruit.
Once the grapefruit is securely in place on my penis, I pull my boxer shorts back up and return to my TV room to watch TV for a few hours.
Once the grapefruit has been warmed by my genitals for several hours, it is ready to be consumed. I usually cut it up and sprinkle sugar over top of it and eat it — warmed by my body.
Thanks for listening, and I hope you have a great week!