Hello Friends,

Your friend and new mayor here!

I am so very excited to be elected your new mayor of this great city of Toronto. I am sitting in my car right now, we’re going from our campaign headquarters to celebrate!

It’s been a long and stressful 10 months of campaigning for mayor. I’ve spent at least 2-3 hours a day sending tens of emails to my constituents and potential voters pleading for their support.

Our plans are to go to the Friar Firkin pub on Queen West, just across from the Much Music / Chum City building. Personally I love the Firkin chain of pubs , they provide for a great venue for relaxing, eating fried foods and assorted wings.

Personally, my absolute favorite thing to do whilst at a Firkin pub is to visit the washroom and head straight for the bathroom stall. It is on the toilet paper dispenser that I first check for cocaine residue. It is almost guaranteed that I will find enough residue to scrape into a little baby line to snort.

I love doing this!

It gives me such a rush of power and energy that I am able to last all night and enjoy all the foods / alcohol that the Firkin pubs have to offer.

Several times I have actually found a half gram bag of cocaine, accidentally dropped, on the bathroom floor. One time in particular, there was a bag of cocaine behind the toilet in the bathroom stall. It was covered in human urine , but that didn’t matter to me. As soon as I found it, I pried it open with my chubby fuckin fingers and jabbed in one of my house keys to snort back a quick bump.

With the amount of baby laxative mixed in with cocaine these days, it is a sure thing that my anus will be bursting liquid shit as soon as the cocaine reaches my sinus cavity. I usually stay in the stall a few minutes after scraping toilet dispenser coke and doing a bump, during my stays at the wonderful Firkin pubs.

To you, Toronto, I say thanks. Stay tuned for a wonderful 4 years of Rob Ford. Rob Ford is Blob ford. This is me, I am you. We are one.


Sincerely,


Rob Ford

“We’re the same, you and me. We’re the same, dont you see?”

– Nick , Army store owner from the movie Falling Down