Cleaning my filthy body
Update : Just got out of hospital earlier this week
Hey folks,
Your busy mayor of Toronto here! As you might have heard, I was recently hospitalized for having calcium inside my penis.
You might ask, “why do you have calcium inside your penis?”
Well, I assure you this was a calculated move on my part. I am testing the viability and strength of me penis on a regular basis. In order to test certain specific thresholds, I have to insert calcium deposits into my penis hole.
Currently I’m writing this in my hot tub in my Etobicoke mansion’s back patio. The warm water and air jets are massaging my groin area, stimulating movement and keeping a constant warm temperature within my groin region. This is necessary to soothe the pain involved with inserting calcium deposits into my penis hole.
Since becoming the mayor of Toronto, there has been some secrets revealed to me about the fate of our great city, kept secret over the past few mayoral terms actually. I have to test my strength constantly to ensure I am strong enough to complete several key tasks that lie ahead of me.
Stay tuned.
Just getting ready to be the new mayor of Toronto on my end
Hey Folks,
Rob Ford, your new mayor of Toronto, here.
I’m just sitting in the basement of my Etobicoke mansion, planning for the day I take office as your new mayor. I’ve slathered a generous amount of Vaseline on my legs as a result of a rash I received in the last few days. Its unfortunate because the Vaseline sticks to the fabric of my pants as I walk or even sit down. As soon as I get home, I end up taking off all my clothes to air out my skin and provide for some relief for the intense itching as a result of the rash.
I don’t really know how I got the rash. The only thing I’ve done as far as my lower body goes is coat my groin area with a combination of bacon grease and peanut butter. I like to lie down in my backyard after everyone goes to bed and wait for whatever critters or furry friends, attracted by the scent, approach my groin / legs for a quick lick.
The abrasive cat-like tongue that raccoons, squirrels and other creatures have stimulates my skin and provides some excitement. Once in a while one of the animals will nip or nibble my skin, most likely with the presumption that the rest of my body (underneath my skin) contains even more peanut butter or bacon grease. Obviously this isn’t true!
After my body has been licked up , I run downstairs (careful not to wake my family) to take a quick shower in our spare bathroom.
I spend the rest of my night watching TV and methodically remembering each lick; the the coarse tongues quickly and cautiously scraping all the juices off my lower body.
Thanks for listening
Greetings from your new Mayor of Toronto! Rob Ford!
Hello Friends,
Your friend and new mayor here!
I am so very excited to be elected your new mayor of this great city of Toronto. I am sitting in my car right now, we’re going from our campaign headquarters to celebrate!
It’s been a long and stressful 10 months of campaigning for mayor. I’ve spent at least 2-3 hours a day sending tens of emails to my constituents and potential voters pleading for their support.
Our plans are to go to the Friar Firkin pub on Queen West, just across from the Much Music / Chum City building. Personally I love the Firkin chain of pubs , they provide for a great venue for relaxing, eating fried foods and assorted wings.
Personally, my absolute favorite thing to do whilst at a Firkin pub is to visit the washroom and head straight for the bathroom stall. It is on the toilet paper dispenser that I first check for cocaine residue. It is almost guaranteed that I will find enough residue to scrape into a little baby line to snort.
I love doing this!
It gives me such a rush of power and energy that I am able to last all night and enjoy all the foods / alcohol that the Firkin pubs have to offer.
Several times I have actually found a half gram bag of cocaine, accidentally dropped, on the bathroom floor. One time in particular, there was a bag of cocaine behind the toilet in the bathroom stall. It was covered in human urine , but that didn’t matter to me. As soon as I found it, I pried it open with my chubby fuckin fingers and jabbed in one of my house keys to snort back a quick bump.
With the amount of baby laxative mixed in with cocaine these days, it is a sure thing that my anus will be bursting liquid shit as soon as the cocaine reaches my sinus cavity. I usually stay in the stall a few minutes after scraping toilet dispenser coke and doing a bump, during my stays at the wonderful Firkin pubs.
To you, Toronto, I say thanks. Stay tuned for a wonderful 4 years of Rob Ford. Rob Ford is Blob ford. This is me, I am you. We are one.
Sincerely,
Rob Ford
“We’re the same, you and me. We’re the same, dont you see?”
– Nick , Army store owner from the movie Falling Down
Releasing tensions in just the right areas – a guide to your body
Hey folks,
Just sitting here, on this day of ‘hump’, counting down the minutes until Friday.
I’ve been reflecting on my mayoral campaign more and more, as the day of reckoning approaches. I’ve looked around me, at this wonderful city, and all I see is room for improvement; be it cutbacks, drawbacks, reductions, cuts, murders, forced retirement, torture or other forms of extreme action.
I’m a man of action, in case you haven’t noticed. I punch whatever I don’t like or agree with, and I hug and kiss repeatedly whatever it is that falls in line with my vision or perceived goal.
That’s why I surround myself with men that not only compliment my ideals and ways of doing things, but those boys who encourage me to think outside the box and experiment with different ways to express my body through feelings and actions alike.
For instance, before this election started, I was not much of a touchy person. I avoided all human contact at all costs. The thought of someone shaking my hand and feeling their skin touch mine gave me shivers and I would usually briskly avoid these opportune moments.
Right now, though, I can’t get enough of the feel of human skin on my own. My assistants Bradley and Marcus are who I have to thank for this new found appreciation for touch.
They have helped me grow as a person, a politician and a confident sexual being.
Usually Marcus is there to greet me when I arrive at the office at around 11:30-12:00pm. He has various oils and spices that he likes to rub into my skin to help ease the stress and get me started with energy and vigor.
He forces me to take off all my clothes and lie on my back on his massage table (at first I was reluctant , but became accustomed eventually) , so that he can reach every joint and muscle in my body.
First he starts off with my lower abdomen / pelvic area, and rubs various oils on my skin there. Sometimes I generate a blood / mucous type discharge from my penis so he helps keep me clean and ensures that I am healthy.
Then he rubs my arms and neck and nipples — taking great care to ensure the hot oils reach every part of my body.
Bradley usually comes in at around 2:30pm and takes care of my feet. All the pressure and weight from walking between my car to the elevator causes such an immense amount of aches and pain in my feet. Bradley calmly goes under my desk as I sit in my office chair and undoes my shoelaces, takes off my shoes/socks and starts gently rubbing my feet.
On a particularly hard day, Bradly massages my calves, upper inner thigh and groin muscles from under my desk to get the entire chain of tension loosened.
Bradley and Marcus truly have changed me as a person. It is them I have to thank for being able to make it this far in the mayoral election campaign.
Thanks guys.
Ecstasy Fridays
Hello Friends,
Another glorious Friday awaits! What a wonderful day. The sky is clear, the air is crisp and everything feels fresh and new.
I took a powerful ecstasy pill this morning after I got up. My whole body feels very warm and sensitive to any sort of stimuli at this point in time.
Even taking a shower, with the hot water running down my pale skin and over my inner thighs and red / raw genitalia, feels so intense and great.
The lathering soap on my body felt silky and velvet smooth. I had such a great time in the shower! I just got out to make this post, so I’m still a little wet but the cold air feels great as well. Basically any form of touching, feeling, groping and tugging feels so fucking good right now.
The ecstasy is starting to hit me even harder as I write this. I can feel my heart rate starting to increase heavily with each keystroke. My fingers keep missing the keys and I can feel myself starting to sweat.
I have been drinking water and I have a rubber door stopper that I’ve been chewing on so that I don’t hurt my jaw muscles — WOW this is strong stuff!
I can feel my groin area getting warmer and more stimulated with each thought and feeling that passes through my body. I think I’m going to pour some ice cold water across my genitals to cool them off and provide for some relief right now.
What I normally do on ecstasy Fridays is spend the day (from the moment I get up) walking around my Etobicoke home naked — on various quests to find any stimuli that will allow for new ways to experience my body.
Last week I fashioned two live electrical wires with some industrial resistors / capacitors to control the voltage and I attached the live wire to my testicles and grounded it on my radiator. The jolt of sharp electricity and subsequent vibration feeling that the current provided was such an intense and wondrous experience — especially whilst on ecstasy.
I’ve noticed that my cum was black after that experience. Is that normal?
Take care.
Chub Toad
Greetings friends,
I’ve recently developed a wonderful method for dealing with my large, blood red and slightly pussy stretch marks, that I wanted to share with the world. I’m assuming that my diet of chicken wings and beer may be contributing to my bloated/muscular chub toad physique. This new method mitigates the only drawback to this physique and the lifestyle that I share with the kings of this universe.
I start first thing in the morning by taking off my shirt and pants. I keep my underwear on to contain any shit that may dribble out due to the fact that I’m standing up. Also, at this point my underwear has already been pre-cut to expose my genitals in a pleasing manner so there is no need to remove them. Next, I apply a generous amount of rocky road ice cream to my stretch marks and genitals. Rubbing it in for at least 20 minutes.
The chunks in the ice cream act as a great exfoliant for both the stretch marks and the large pimples that tend to form around the base of my penis and the cold provides a sensation that makes all the hairs across my giant belly stand on end.
The feeling is magnificent.
I then add a coat of baby oil to seal in the first layer. The key to this method is constant air flow to the stretch marked areas. I spent most of the last couple half days at the office cutting holes in the sides of my shirts, suits, and crotches of my pants. You don’t necessarily need to keep your crotch exposed but I find it adds a nice symmetry to the ensemble.
I then like to go out on my evening patrol of the neighborhood, wearing the modified clothing. The breeze through the holes in the clothes feels fantastic and I get a great sense of pride, knowing that I’m keeping the area’s children safe at night.
Take care.
Securing Etobicoke’s Don Bosco highschool
Hey folks,
I’m sick today. I called my office at city hall to let them know I wont be able to make it in. I’m sure the people of Toronto understand that even I get sick sometimes. Especially with how many people I am interacting with on a daily basis, its a surprise this doesn’t happen more often.
Most people don’t realize that I have more than one job, aside from working for the great city of Toronto. One of my most important responsibilities involves an Etobicoke catholic high school, Don Bosco Catholic Secondary School :
It is my responsibility to ensure the safety of our young people in this high school. I make it a nightly routine to complete my tasks.
I usually arrive at the school at around 12:30am or 1:00am most nights. I start by walking around the school perimeter, checking all the doors and windows to see if any have been left open. Usually one window or door has been left unsecured. Lately it has been the bathroom window in the North East corner of the school building.
After verifying that a window has been left open (sometimes even a door), I usually slip inside the school. Since there is no on-duty night security personnel, this usually is an easy process.
Once inside the school I usually feel an excited jolt of energy throughout my body. This is one of the reasons why I do this — I need to keep my energy levels high as well as satisfy the security needs of the school to ensure everything is verified and checked by me.
I like to slowly walk throughout the school, touching and smelling various items (cafeteria seats, classroom chairs, fountains, lockers) to ensure no outside sources have corrupted the environment. I pass through the school with my arms and hands open and extended — I need to touch everything and ensure everyone is safe.
Through my fingertips gracefully touching every item and my nose smelling the multitude of scents throughout the school, I am able to accomplish this. By the time I’m done my legs are usually shaking with excitement and my stomach is as light as a feather.
This is something that, even if I’m sick, I still have to do. It’s my responsibility.
Thanks for listening
Poppers and root beer and pastor wendell brereton
Hey friends,
Just sitting in my office in city hall currently. It’s been somewhat of a boring (and rainy) day today. I’ve been sentimental during the past few days. I think of the times passed and how far I’ve come in the last few years of my life. I feel like I have come a long way to get where I am now.
Who am I?
The man I am would not be here today if it were not a direct result of my experiences through good times and bad , with my good friends over the years. Specifically, growing up and living with my lifelong friend, Pastor Wendell Brereton, through my early twenties was a real eye opener, in hindsight.
I had an interesting experience, learning who I am and making the choices that led me to the path I ultimately chose. In my mid-twenties I was a reckless and abhorrent individual. Needless to say at one point I needed Wendell’s help to give me a break during a period where money was tight and I was going through several periods of popper / rave addictions.
I would spend most of my nights loosening all the muscles in my body; Huffing poppers and various other inhalants. Just as soon as I came close to falling through the “popper hole”, I would inject small amounts of cocaine into my arm for a muddy and clouded jolt of electricity. I would usually follow the cocaine with a 90s grade ecstasy pill or some then-rare Oxy Contin. Most times I wouldn’t even take note of what I took. I just wanted to feel numb.
Wendell was there for me when I hit bottom. I would crash at his house for a month or two, until I could ultimately get back onto my feet. By the time I ended up at his house, my mind body and soul would be completely drained of energy and I would be a walking zombie. I can remember fondly, arriving at Wendell’s to a waiting hot bowl of Alphagettis and a warm smile.
Sometimes I would sleep for days in his bed — occasionally waking up to his soft voice in my ear; Wendell laying next to me, whispering that it was going to be okay and that I’ll rebound and that I always do.
He would hold me tight and keep me warm in his bed. Sometimes he would insert medical grade thermometers into my anus to ensure my body temperature never fluctuated past a certain range.
I would smile and sometimes giggle at the cold steel instrument being shoved inside me under the covers.
“Just let Dr. Wendell take care of you”, he’s say.
“Why do I do this to myself?”, I would ask.
“God still has a plan for you. He hasn’t given up. Neither should you.”, he would always respond.
Those nights in Pastor Wendell Brereton’s bed were the only truly good memories I have of my twenties.
Take Care.
Drawing blood from my genitals — cant feel a thing
Hey Folks,
Just sitting in my enormous Etobicoke backyard, enjoying a beautiful sunny Tuesday afternoon with some ice cold beers and some grilled meats.
I’ve noticed an increased population of insects over the past few weeks, in my backyard and throughout Toronto (on the streets or in green areas).
The attention received by the bugs around me is increases tenfold after melting a few sausages all over my chest in order to defrost them before actually grilling them on my Weber BBQ.
This reminded me of something I used to do when I first moved into my Etobicoke mansion years ago. I used to sneak out of the house late at night, being careful not to wake my kids or my then-wife. Once outside, I would tip toe around the edge of the house, to the backyard where there was a ravine. The mosquito’s near the water were particularly bad, especially in the middle of the summer.
Once at the ravine, I would remove my pants and underwear and slather a thick layer of honey all the way up my legs from my ankles to my waist, careful not to miss any spots.
Standing over the small ravine in my backyard, I would wait patiently for the mosquitos and other bugs to become stimulated by the sweet scent that the honey provides. After about 15-20 minutes my entire lower section would be covered by hungry bugs (mostly mosquito’s).
The excitement of this type of attention would cause me to breathe very heavily and deeply out of my mouth, occasionally letting out deep moans and gasps as the weight and tingly feeling the bugs caused would arouse me immensely.
After I was done, I usually would bathe in the ravine itself (convenient!), sitting near a bubbling brook with my legs open as the ice cold runoff water would clean my lower body and cool my hot skin.
Thanks for listening.
Warm shower secrets
Hey Friends,
I’ve decided to slow down my campaign since my popularity has been established within this great city. Its important to take it easy; we only live once and I like to make a point of enjoying the finer things in life. Why not?
One of my favorite things is something I do almost every other day — a hot shower to start off my morning. One thing about me that you may not know is that I am a man of routines. I like to keep my routines in the morning for instance.
Usually my day starts off at around 10:15am when my alarm goes off. The wife is usually out of the house earlier; most recently she has been spending time at her girlfriends house and sometimes spends the night there. So I have my Etobicoke house to myself.
As soon as I’m up, I head for my shower. My shower is not a standard shower that one would expect to find in a suburban home. I have multiple shower heads — one over top of your head and one on the right hand side in the shower. This particular shower head is what I enjoy best during my morning routine.
The shower head that is midway down and connected to a detachable head has a long and narrow shower head that has a small rounded tip. The water shoots out of this in a high pressure jet of water.
I usually insert this tip into my anus and turn the jet settings on the shower head to provide different variations of streams of water. One might call this a makeshift enema, but I find the varying streams of water shooting into my anus a great way to jolt someone awake as well as cleaning out any nominal blockages that I usually end up having, due to my particular diet.
These showers usually last about 35-40 minutes. Over time, I have had to hire a plumber actually adjust the drainage in my shower to directly connect to the sewage drain in my house.
Thanks for listening.
- New blog post: Update : Just got out of hospital earlier this week http://bit.ly/eGcBCf #voteto
- New blog post: Hey guys! http://bit.ly/gHe37V #voteto
- New blog post: Rob Ford Mayor of Toronto http://bit.ly/byqMUq #voteto
- New blog post: Just getting ready to be the new mayor of Toronto on my end http://bit.ly/cjjp6a #voteto
- DOIN COKE FROM SCRAPING TOILET PAPER DISPENSERS IN FIRKIN PUB BATHROOM STALLS #VOTETO http://bit.ly/aYpAch
- I LOVE TO DO COCAINE RESIDUE FROM BATHROOM TOILET PAPER DISPENSERS IN FIRKIN PUBS http://bit.ly/aYpAch
- New blog post: Thank the gods its FRIDAY http://bit.ly/ceO5Qg #voteto
- dropped some phad thai on my groin area (not wearing pants or underwear) ... i think im gonna leave it there for a few days
- New blog post: Winter is coming / Applying pressure to my anus http://bit.ly/9OJlq2 #voteto
- http://mellastman.com/2010/10/11/rob-ford-the-new-mayor-of-toronto-get-outta-here/
- Understanding Abusive Relationships 5 Benefits of Learning to Identify Intimate Partner Abuse
- Abusive Relationship Healing Biofeedback and Self regulation For Domestic Abuse Survivors
- Healing From Emotional Abuse Emotional Healing For Domestic Abuse Survivors
- In an Abusive Relationship The Problem With Promises After Physical Emotional and Verbal Abuse
- Domestic Violence Politics Healthcare and Clergy Resistance to Screen For Domestic Abuse
- After the Abusive Relationship Remedies For What Next Do What You Love
- Domestic Violence Healing How Wakeful Rest Can Enhance Health For Domestic Violence Survivors
- Abusive Relationship and Your Health 5 Tips to Insure Proper Digestion For Domestic Abuse Survivor
- Family Violence Lost Mothers Lied to Children and the Legal Abuse Syndrome
- Abusive Relationship Healing 5 Tips For Lifting Depression After Your Abusive Relationship
- Fairness for New Canadians
- Helping Protect Children in Sport
- If Not ‘Barbaric’, How Would the Ignatieff-Liberals Describe Honour Killings?
- Economic Growth and Canada’s Knowledge Economy
- Ignatieff Still Planning a Carbon Tax
- Strengthening the Value of Canadian Citizenship
- Committed to Fighting Cancer
- Ignatieff’s Election Gambit
- Harper Government Helping Deliver Safer Communities
- Working to Protect Consumers
- Toronto Historic Sites presenting events in annual storytelling festival
- The Week Ahead: City of Toronto meeting schedule, March 21 - 25
- Long-term care residents to receive Canada Blooms flowers harvested by volunteers
- Controlled burn in High Park this spring will protect rare forest
- Disasters around the world a harsh reminder of the importance of being 'emergency ready' here at home
- City celebrates Toronto's urban forest at Canada Blooms 2011
- City advises homeowners to take flood-proofing action
- The Week Ahead - City of Toronto meeting schedule, March 7 - 11
- Symposium promotes new ideas to ease poverty, homelessness
- St. Lawrence Market presents cooking camp for kids during March break